Chapter 3

I pushed over a crate with my foot, sat down and leaned up against the door frame of the garage, gazing outside, not really seeing anything. God, I hated when the two of them kept stirring up the past. I couldn’t stop the memories that came bubbling up, threatening to overwhelm me…..

……We were lying in the field out behind my house, underneath the big oak tree. It was late September and our racing season was over and all the drivers were moving on to other tracks.

"Matt," I sighed, "I wish you didn’t have to go." Matt and I had been friends for a long time. He’d show up with his dad, when they raced here at our track and leave when the races were over. Through the years they had gone from being friends to boyfriend and girlfriend, albeit long distance. Every season it got harder and harder to say goodbye.

Matt rolled on his side, propped himself up on an elbow and looked down on me, his blue eyes searching my face. "Tori," he said, his knuckles stroking my arm, "I love you."

"I love you too, Mattie," I said, my heart in my eyes. "I don’t want you to go."

"I know. I don’t want to either, but my dream is to be a race car driver. I have to go. You know that, right? I need the experience," Matt said earnestly.

Matt always got excited whenever he talked about his dream to drive in a NASCAR race. "I know Matt, but it doesn’t make it any easier." I sighed.

It was easier for me when Matt was around. I had grown up, if 17 was grown up, and I was starting to attract men’s attention and strangers made me uneasy. "I want you to succeed Mattie, really. I believe in you." I smiled and added lightly, "Maybe I can be your crew chief someday."

"I would like that. You are a whiz at cars." Matt leaned over and kissed me tenderly. Then he blurted out, "Wait for me Tori. Don’t go and marry someone else."

I loved Mattie with all my heart. I would wait forever or at least I thought so at 17. "I love you with all my heart, Matt. I’ll wait for you. Just promise me the same. I don’t want you to marry some sophisticated french woman," I said with a coy pout.

He laughed and said, ‘"Never."

The two of us walked back to Matt’s dad’s trailer. I stood there watching and waving as they drove off….

……Rufus’s whine brought me back to the present. He had come over to sit between my legs and gave me a lick with his tongue. I placed his bear like face between my hands and said, "I know Dad and Joey mean well but I wish they would stop bringing up the past. It makes it so hard to forget." I had to fight all the time to keep a tight control on my emotions so I didn’t break down in front of people and to be strong for Joey. I wrapped my arms around Rufus and cried on his soft furry shoulder.

After a bit I looked up thinking I heard something or at least Rufus did judging by the rumbling in his chest. God, they had me all jittery with their talk. I absently ran my hand along my lower leg where I wore a small knife strapped to my ankle. Never was I going to be defenseless again. The feeling of being watched finally went away and Rufus stopped his growling. I sighed and stood up, snapping my fingers for Rufus to follow and went back inside.